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Today in a moment of personal weakness/insanity I broke a personal commandment: “Thou shalt not go to Hardee’s”.

It was around 2 PM and my stomach was growling.  I had been busy doing various work tasks all morning, so I was quite hungry, as this is hours past my usual lunch time.  With my favorite office treat of Chex Mix not being available and lacking the previous foresight of bringing food to eat from home, I set off down the street to procure some sustenance.  

I have been seeing the relentless ad campaign for the new Hardee’s turkey burgers, or boigas, and being a fan of boigas and also of those made of turkey, I thought I would finally break my vow and try one out.  I had heard that these were good, so perhaps it was finally time to reevaluate my prejudices.  With an optimistic smile on my face, I pulled into the drive-thru.  Perhaps in the years of wisdom I have gained since my last Hardee’s trip I have gained some valuable life lessons about acceptance, and second chances, and crap like that.

The only lesson I learned was to never doubt myself!  Yikes, where do I begin?  The turkey burger was a very unattractive sight to behold, for one thing.  After unwrapping the gooey paper I was greeted with a smushed, unappealing mess of a sandwich.  The bun was some kind of thin wheat bun that was visibly stressed, and struggling to contain its contents, much like how a student teacher would try and fail to take control of an elementary school class when the regular teacher could not bear it anymore.  The light-toned turkey patty threatened to fall out at a moment’s notice, stuck only in place by some kind of unidentifiable sauce.  I had ordered the “swiss and mushroom” variety of turkey boiga; two ingredients that were nowhere to be found.  I noticed chunks that might be considered mushrooms, but make no mistake, dear reader, there was NOTHING that could pass as cheese on there.  It looked like somebody had dumped a can of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup on top of a piece of turkey rubber, and found the two ends of a two week old loaf of sliced wheat bread to bookend the disaster.  The taste was nothing to be impressed with either.  Grimacing with every bite, I had to assist my peristalsis with generous gulps of Coke Zero, which didn’t taste right for some reason, so they even messed up soda somehow.  The fries were pretty good though.